What do you miss?

    A lot has changed since last year. Since Covid-19 changed our lives. I miss a lot of things, a lot of things that I normally do, and places that I normally visit. 

    Before the pandemic, I frequently visit Manila (I live in the South). Manila, was only 30 minutes away from Laguna in 2015, and became two hours of travel time by 2019. I miss that. I miss riding the bus and sleeping away the hours of travelling on the bus. I miss the traffic and the worry of not making it to my scheduled appointment.  I haven't been to Manila since last year, due to lockdowns and fear of the virus. I have not been to Divisoria for more than a year now. I miss the place, the sweaty smell of haggling and jumping on a jeepney just to get a ride. 

    I miss going to the mall without any worries of picking up any virus that I bring home. I miss eating out with my family, going to the movies.

       I miss attending church every Sunday with my daughter. I miss going to my Nathaniel after attending church and just playing a song for him. I miss having my daughter in my store. I can't take her anywhere now. She just stays at home. She's bored and misses her friends dearly. 

    These are the things that all of us took for granted. Memories that will just stay as memories. Even if I miss these things, I am still grateful that my family is safe. I thank God everyday for that. 

    I think the most important thing right now is being grateful for every single thing that we have, be it obstacle or a blessing. Have faith, and all of these shall pass.

    

      

Pandemic (Covid-19): Philippines

    Two months from now, isang taon ng naka-lock down ang Pilipinas. Lahat ng klase ng quarantine naranasan na ng mga tao dito. From ECQ, GCQ to MGCQ. But have anything changed? A lot. Marami. 

      We learned to be aware of what we touch. We learned how to wash our hands properly. We learned to be more loving sa mga tao sa paligid, specially our family. We learned to love more, we learned to value each other more. We now know how difficult it is to be on the medical industry. On how vunerable they are. We now appreciate our teachers more, how hard it is to teach and disciplined 50 or more so students day by day. We learned the value of money, on how hard it is for us to earn them and on how fast they can be spent.

    We also sow hate towards each other. Our government seems to be okay with the fake news being shared to social media. We learned how our government seem to be bias towards the ordinary Filipino to someone who has the power and money. We now realize how many Pinoys are silent in reacting to government corruption. The Filipinos are not "healing as one", but are falling apart one by one. 

    I am now counting the days when the ordinary Filipino can get hold of the vaccine. To bring some normality to our daily life. To breathe without the mask and the worries. To have children play at the streets again without their parents worrying not just about the viruses but also of the barangay patrol (to check on them whether the protocol is being followed or not).  To have me sneeze and cough without the prejudice eyes of others. To have the Filipino go have their medical check-up and not be branded being positive of the Covid virus. 

    Normality is far-fetched. Things are not going back to normal. But we must now prepare for a larger, more dangerous kind of pandemic. 

    

Nathaniel Edwin: An Angel's Story

This is the story of my Trisomy-18 baby, Nathaniel.

March 2018

        Holy week was observed earlier than usual. My family and I set forth on seeing some old churches on our way to Batangas. Our first stop was the church of St. Padre Pio in Tanauan. My first time there, I silently prayed to St. Padre Pio to help me conceive again. It was what Ikay and I wanted. 

April 2018

        Everything was normal within our busy schedule, except for the fact that I was already pregnant by this month and still not know it. This was also the time that my husband and I had a huge fight. 

May 2018

        I was a week late and I remember testing around 5 am on the 3rd. It came back positive and I messaged my sister half across the globe because I wasn't sure if what I am seeing is true. I did not tell my husband right away because I was so shocked. For almost 10 years of trying to get me pregnant and wanting to be a mother again, I remember crying while making a silent prayer of thanks to Papa God for making my wish come true. 

June - August 2018

        

        Every test done to me was okay. Although I had a harder first trimester than my first born, I had already an inclination that this will be a "boy". Our firstborn was nicknamed "Ikay". So, at 15 weeks, I already named him our "Ikoy".  We saw him on his 8th week via trans-vaginal ultrasound. We heard his heartbeat at 12 weeks via doppler. My whole family was ecstatic for another baby in the household. I had several test which I aced at around 15 weeks up to 23rd week. 

    

        Before I hit the 24th week, My doctor told me to have a congenital anomaly scan, a required scan for high-risk pregnancy since I am on the advance side of maternal age.

September 2018

        We had the anomaly scan a day before my 24th week. And right there, the doctor told me that there was something wrong with our Ikoy. She told me a lot of wrongs, and with all of those my world came crushing down. I remember crying so hard and wondering why this is happening to my baby. 

        Our Ikoy has omphalocele,  a magna cisterna, his right wrist is bended, a rock bottom foot (left), and the biggest of them was his heart problems - hypoplastic left heart syndrome (HLHS), a cardiomegaly, among others. He was also small for his gestational age. The doctors weren't sure of his exact sydrome, so we have to go and see a more specialized Ob-Gyne. Dr Valerie Guinto was a doctor from the Philippine General Hospital and she was the one who helped me decide on the fate of my little one. 

October 2018

        This was the month that we had blood works done on me to know Ikoy's real situation. We had to know for sure what kind of sydrome Ikoy is dealing with. I had an appointment with someone from CordLife -  a company that offers prenatal testing for moms like me to detect any anomalies though non-invasive procedures. 

        Two weeks later, Ikoy's came back positive for Trisomy 18 or Edward's Syndrome.

November 2018

        On the 9th, was my 32nd week check-up. We were just there to get the assurance that our baby was still okay and was holding on. I have no other wish after knowing Ikoy's conditon, but to see him alive. My doctor told me that Ikoy's heartbeat was getting irregular and that it worries her because Ikoy's wasn't moving as well as he was used to in his previous ultrasound. So, from my doctor's clinic, we were told to go directly to PGH where she would meet us after her clinic. I was to have a Non-Stress Test to monitor Ikoy's heartbeat and movement, and if ever I was having any contraction.

        

        I cried all the way while going to the hospital. I wasn't prepared to deliver Ikoy yet. He was still small and his chances is slim if I deliver him that night. I prayed and prayed and talked to Ikoy to hold on for Mama. The residents at the hospital were detecting some contraction but I wasn't feeling anything. Ikoy's heart gradually stabilized and were cleared to go home the following day.

December 2018

        Nathaniel Edwin Adenit was born on the 11th at 4:14 pm. Weighing only 3.77 pounds, he was born perfect. He was born bluish because of his heart. His cry was the littlest cry I have ever heard. For two days, he graced us with his strength, his purity, and love. He fulfilled his duty to me by meeting everyone in our family. He granted my wish of being with us even for exactly two days. 

       He was called to heaven at 4:20 pm on the 13th. Days after his death, the confirmatory result for Trisomy18 came back positive.

Sometimes, God grants us our wishes in different ways. Though I wish for a sibling for my daughter, God gave me an angel instead. Never questions God's plan, instead, ask yourself why you are given these gifts. And there you'll find your answers. Never question God's plan, for He will never give us burdens, only lessons in life. 

           

Counting the days

My Little One

Happiness was cast with grief
As I linger on the days I was happy
How can you smile and grieve at the same time
How can one pretend
I set my feelings far, far away
As I focus on your joy
Because only you matter
Today and the days to come.

I was holding on to every hope
For a miracle to be true
I pray not for my own dream
But for my sanity and peace of heart
I pray that you felt my love and been happy
Because only you matter
Today and the days to come.

As I count the hundred days
Closer and closer of seeing you
And yet not really knowing
The destiny that was bestow upon you
I live not for the future
Nor for tomorrow
Because today
Only you matter
Today and the says to come.

A Continuation

     It's almost the end of 2017. It has been two years and three months since my last post. Ang tagal na pala. Ang haba pala ng "vacation mode" ko sa blogging. Last post ko, si PNoy pa ang presidente. Ngayon, almost two years ng naka-upo si Digong as our new president. So much has happened. Dami na ring namatay. 😁

     Also, bumigay na rin yung desktop ko, and I'm blogging now using my phone. Mahirap pero ayos lang, nakaka-adjust. 

     Panahon ngayon ng mga millennials, and now they are making themselves known. Dati and tawag ay "new generations". Ngayon, baka may entry na ang term na "millennials" sa Webster. They are described by many as "tamad, mababaw, walang pakialam, kulang sa patriotism. Pero iba ang tingin ko. They are just like us when we arw young. Mapusok. Walang pakialam. Pero iba kapag naawa, iba kapag nagmahal (Hugot?!?).

     Our country is also experiencing a divisiveness. Since the start of the campaign season (2016), friends and acquaintances in social media blocks and unfollow each other. This is just due to their different political  views. Diehard Dutertards and the Yellowtards. Isa na ko dun. I have unfollowed couple of friends because they campaign too much for Duterte. I do not hate them for liking pir president pero flooding na e. As in my news feed is just all about the man. 😰 

      There's more to write now. I also can vent my frustrations sa government natin di ba?! After all, this is my space. Pero, I am not gonna do it, baka sabihin e dilawan pa ko. 😝😝😝

       Peace y'all! 

New Postal ID

        For Pinoys who does not have any  digitized ID to transact with other government offices, you can now avail of the new Postal ID. It is digitized and  recognized  as one of the primary ID's that you can present when transacting with various offices. 

  

         Both my husband and I got hold of our ID's yesterday. It was delivered in our home. We  applied in  Sta. Rosa Postal Office  because it was the nearest postal office that is also a capturing site. For other capturing sites and other info, please visit the Philpost website here. 

         Procedures are almost the same as  with any other government agencies. You'd be ask to fill up three similar forms, attached the required documents, pay for the fees, and have your details encoded and your photo taken. Please also note that the staff who would encode your details will be asking you to review what he/she have encoded. Take your time reviewing because once they have captured and saved your data, it can never be edited. Only when your digitized ID expired.

          The required documents are as follows:

            1. Birth certificate;

            2. Marriage certificate for married women;

            3. Barangay certificate; or in absence of this, any utility bill 

                                with the applicant's name  and address

         I think the delivery dates varies with the postal office that you applied with. When we were applying, the postal teller told us that we should expect its delivery after 22 working days. But ours came a little early. It was delivered in our doorstep within 12 working days. 

          The Philpost website states that the postal id would cost around 414.40. but my husband and I paid a little higher than that. I have no idea why and I didn't dare ask the teller because our line is getting long. 

            

She taught me.

       It was a general-cleaning day. Tambak na naman yung abubot ni Ikay. My daughter loves collecting all sorts of paper. It may be a cute advertisement of her favorite toy, or some magazines handed in the supermarket,  you can bet she will be keeping it. She has more blank notebooks and stationary than any other kid her age. And the more she collects, the more "tambak" there is in our room. Which means, more cleaning duty for me. 

       

         So, here I am organizing her stuff, when I stumbled in these apology notes that Ikay made for me whenever I get mad at her for her misdeeds. 

          Napangiti naman ako at ngayon ko lang na-appreciate yung mga notes na 'to.  How easy it is for her to say sorry, how easy it is for me too, to forgive her. Sino ba namang magulang ang makatitiis sa anak na nag-apologize na thru letter, then verbal apology with hug and kisses pa. :)

          KIDS. They will teach you things in their own little way. Things that will make you question your beliefs for yourself, on how you treat other people, on how to tell things without hurting their feelings, and on how to love unconditionally. Giving away gratitude is very easy for them. Give them a candy, or a toy, and they will love you forever. Give them their time-out and let them think on what they did, and they will give you an apology.

          Pero yung mga grown-ups, na gaya ko, minsan masyado ma-prinsipyo. Ang hirap magpakawala ng simpleng "sorry" lang. Ang hirap mag-sabi ng "thank you", o ng "salamat". Mas pinaiiral ang pride.

One of the many apology letters

She loves me!  :)

         Sabi nga nila, be a child. See the world in through their eyes. Malay mo, may makita ka na instant solution sa problema mo. Simple lang naman ang buhay ng bata, gusto lang nila na mahalin sila, magmahal at maging masaya.